


My Everything

by Legends_Never_Die



Series: Nothing, Something, Everything [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Break Up, Eating Disorders, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Foster Care, Gay John Laurens, Jealous Alexander Hamilton, Jealous John Laurens, Jealousy, Kidnapping, M/M, Nervous Alexander Hamilton, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Break Up, Rape/Non-con Elements, Shy Alexander Hamilton
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 19,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27632846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legends_Never_Die/pseuds/Legends_Never_Die
Summary: Not all relationships last. Even the ones that are built on the truest of Love. Months after their break up, Alex and John meet again when they come home for Christmas break. Will they be able to work out their problems and realize they were meant to be together, or will they loose the thing that means Everything to them.-------Final part of Nothing, Something, Everything!!
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, George Washington/Martha Washington, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan
Series: Nothing, Something, Everything [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1912141
Comments: 179
Kudos: 124





	1. That's what he told himself

He didn’t want to go in. He just wanted to sit in the back of this cold, smelly taxicab for the rest of his life. Maybe if he sat there long enough the driver would forget about him and drive away. And then Alex would slowly dissolve into the fake leather seats, never to be heard from again. That didn’t seem like a terrible fate, especially considering the other option was going inside.

“Time to get out kid.” The man taped his gloved hand on the glass window that separated Alex from the front seat.

Alex jumped a bit in surprise. “R-right. Sorry.” He mumbled, cursing himself for stuttering. He had been getting better with that.

He had actually been getting better with a lot of things. He wasn’t the same shy little Lexi that had been filled with trauma and fear. He was not Alexander Hamilton, top of his sophomore class at Columbia, intern with one of the biggest law firms in New York, and anonymous political writer in the New York times every couple of months. He was more confident and empowered, only flinching on the rarest occasions. And yet, he could barely open the car door due to the shaking of his hands.

He clutched his suitcase tightly as he made his way through the long, snowy front yard of the Washington’s house. Why was he scared! He could do this! He had every right to go home to visit his parents for Christmas. He didn’t need the panic that was setting in his lungs.

It would be fine. Maybe he wasn’t even here. Maybe he would never have to see John again.

Alex took one last deep breath before putting his nearly unused key in the locked and pressing open the large wooden door.

“Martha? George? I’m home!” Alex called out. His worried subsided for a moment when he saw his mother come running from the kitchen, flour covering her clothes and a smile lighting up her face.

“Oh Alex!” He spoke happily as she immediately pulled him into a tight hug. Alex was still quite a short man but was now an inch taller than Martha.

“Merry Christmas Marth.” Alex smiled, returning the hug.

“You weren’t supposed to be here till tomorrow night! And Christmas isn’t for several more weeks.” She said, pulling back a bit to look Alex up and down.

“Hey I know.” Alex chuckled. “But I’m here on _Christmas break_. Therefore, it is Christmas.”

“You sound just like George” She smiled. Her smile fluttered into a frown for a brief second as she took in Alex’s frame. “Have you been eating darling?” She asked, clearly worried he had fallen back into his old eating habits.

“Yes Martha” Alex rolled his eyes. Truthfully, he had not been eating as much as he should have but he was fine. He could handle himself. He was 20 years old after all!

They were interrupted by the sound of Senator Washington coming down the stairs.

“Alexander! Good to see you son.” George smiled. They greeted each other first with a firm handshake then a hug.

“Good to see you Senator.” Alex joked, using his full title.

George chuckled in response. “How have you been? Read any good books lately?”

Alex was then launched into a rant about how he had found an error in a law textbook he had been reading which changed the meaning of the law itself and how he had called the editor and author before calling the attorney general to find the real meaning of the law.

George and Martha watched with smiled on their faces. They were glad their son was so happy. They had been worried when he had wanted to go to college out of state, but he seemed to be thriving. They hoped he remained so happy. They didn’t know what would happen when Laf and John would return home.

\---

“What about this one?” John asked, gently kicking the stump of a pine tree with his snow boots.

“No! It must be perfect mon amie!” Laf shook his head before quickly running to the next tree and inspecting it thoroughly.

John sighed and tucked his hands further into his winter coat. “Come on man, it’s freezing”

“Where’s your Christmas spirit?!” Laf shouted indignantly as he ran further into the forest.

“It’s still November Laf! If you get a tree now it will be dead by Christmas” John pointed out, reluctantly following him.

“Then we will get a new one with this one dies” He said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Why did I even have to come.” John didn’t really mind much; he was just in a sour mood and wanted to complain.

“Because I can’t chop a tree down by myself and Herc is busy at the tailor shop. I need your big strong arms!” Laf teased him. “Plus, do you really trust me with an axe?” Laf asked, pulling the sharp tool from out of his small backpack.

“Jesus, no!” John said, grabbing the axe out of Laf’s hands. “I’ll help you. Just hurry up.”

Laf smiled, satisfied, before continuing into the woods in search of the perfect tree. “Are you excited to see Alex?” Laf asked out of nowhere.

“Sure.” John replied. Truthfully, he did want to see Alex. He hadn’t seen the other man since June. Since that fateful day when everything had fallen apart. They hadn’t even exchanged words over the phone or even a text. It broke John’s heart. But judging by what Martha, George and Laf had said, Alex was doing well in New York. He clearly didn’t need John anymore. And John didn’t need Alex.

At least…that’s what he told himself.

He convinced himself to move on. He was currently dating a guy from his college named Lee. He happened to live in Virginia too and was planning on making a trip over to meet everyone sometime over break. John didn’t really love Lee. And he didn’t love Alex.

At least…that’s what he told himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last part of this series!! Please Lmk what you think!!! Thanks for reading!!


	2. John and Alex

After visiting with Martha and George for a while, Alex trekked up to his room to get settled before dinner. His room had remained untouched since he had left after summer vacation. In fact, it looked almost exactly the same as it had when he had been in high school. The most notable addition was the framed piece of paper on the wall containing Alex’s certificate of adoption to the Washington’s. Alongside it was a picture of their little family the day they adopted him. Alex smiled fondly at the memory.

He didn’t have many other pictures in his room. There were several hooks that used to hold frames that had since been shoved into the back of his closet. He didn’t need to look at the pictures of John. There was only one frame that contained the freckled boy. It was a picture of John, Laf, Herc, and Alex after they had all gotten their college acceptance letters. Alex wore his blue Colombia sweatshirt that contrasted sharply against everyone else’s University of Virginia orange and blue.

Alex missed everyone. He missed how close they were. He still talked to Laf every week but only talked to Hercules about once a month. And John…that didn’t matter anymore. Alex had new friends. He had a new life. He had even had a girlfriend for a short period of time. He did everything he could to disassociate with his life in Virginia because the farther he was from home, the father he was from John.

\---

“Don’t look so pale mon amie. I’m sure everything will be fine.” Laf said as he and John dragged the tied-up Christmas tree towards the front door of the Washington house.

“I haven’t talked to him since the summer.” John replied. He got out his key and unlocked the wooden door. Ever since his father had received his sentence of 3 years in prison he had been living with the Washington’s full time. They had discussed the possibility of adoption, but he and Alex had been together at the time and didn’t want to be legally related. That would have been weird. But the George and Martha were still his family and he would spend all his holidays from school at Mt. Vernon.

He had never dreaded the thought of going home but now…well he wasn’t thrilled to be living across the half from his ex-boyfriend for the next month and a half.

“Martha! We have found the perfect tree!” Laf called out excitedly as he ran into the kitchen to find his mother, leaving John to drag the pine in all by himself. He bent down in the back to get a better grip on the trunk when he heard a familiar voice that used to fill him with so much joy.

“Let me help you Laf.” Alex said, rushing down the stairs to help who he thought was his brother.

John straightened up, revealing himself to Alex.

Alex felt his breath catch in his throat. He nearly missed the last step from the initial shock. “J-John.” 

“Alexander.” John replied in greeting. The use of Alex’s full name was foreign in his mouth, but he couldn’t call him any of the nicknames or pet names he used to use so often.

Neither spoke, John just stared at Alex from his spot in the doorway, tree on the floor having been forgotten. Alex stared back at him. John wasn’t sure what was going on in his brain. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know either.

They awkward silence continued for longer than it should have but was thankfully broken by the French-man’s return.

“Alex!! You have returned!” He said, pouncing on the young man and pulling him into a tight hug.

“Good to see you Laf.” Alex smiled, returning the hug.

“I haven’t seen you in so long.” Laf continued.

“We talked yesterday” Alex smiled. He had really missed the boy.

“I know but its not the same.” Laf said. He finally released Alex from his grasp. Only then did he seem to realize the awkward scene he had walked in on. “ummm…” he said, searching for something to lighten the mood. “Herc should be here any minute!” He said, his face brightening.

“What are you saying about me?” The deep voice of Hercules asked, startling John who he had snuck up on.

“Herc!” Alex smiled.

Herc awkwardly squeezed past John and the tree before pulling Alex into a bear hug. “Good to see you man” He smiled.

“Look at us! We have, as you say, gotten the whole gang back together.”

“Just like old times” Herc smiled.

Both Alex and John glanced at each other then quickly looked away when they made eye contact. Though it may feel like their high school years to both Laf and Herc, there was something missing. Something big.

It was John and Alex.

\---

“You need to talk to them George.” Martha told her husband as they were getting ready for bed that night.

“I know Marth. I will. I just want to give them some time to get settled first.” He said as he unbuttoned his stiff dress shirt and traded it for a UVA t-shirt Laf had given him.

“Do you think they are in danger? I meant they were hurt before. They could do it again.”

“I don’t know.” George admitted at he climbed into bed beside his wife. “I honestly don’t think either of them know. They both have tried to forget about those bastards.”

“They should have had to serve more time. 4 years and 3 years doesn’t seem like nearly enough punishment for what they did to our boys. And how is it even possible that the end of their sentences are so close together?” Martha scoffed.

“I know I know. We just need to keep an eye out for anything. I’m sure it will all work out.” George gave her a kiss on the cheek as he reached over and turned the lamp off.

“Remind me, what days are they out?” Martha asked in the darkness.

George sighed. He rolled over and pulled his spouse close to his chest. “Henry gets out in 2 weeks and James is released in 3.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so everyone seemed surprised by the time skip. sorry bout that...😂  
> There's a lot of angst and fluff to come!! Please LMK what you think!!


	3. Friends

Operation stay as far away from John was going as smoothly as he had thought it was. Alex had successfully managed to avoid his ex as much as possible considering they lived across the hall from each other. As long as they were in a group with Laf, Herc, or either of the Washington’s he was fine. He never had to speak directly to John.

The only really true awkward encounter that they had had was the second night Alex had been Virginia and John had gone to enter the bathroom right as Alex had been leaving. Their eyes locked for a second before they both tried to step out of the way of the other. Unfortunately, they both stepped in the same direction which resulted in a few more second of awkward side stepping before they managed to get around each other.

Unfortunately, Alex’s plan of avoidance fell apart on Sunday night. Alex had been laying on his bed reading one of his textbooks when there was a soft knock on his door. 

“Come in?” He called out, assuming it was Laf or George.

The door swung open revealing John Laurens, putting on his best act of indifference. “Martha needs us to run to the store.” He said simply, looking anywhere but Alex. 

“Both of us?” Alex asked suspicion in his voice.

“We are the only ones here and she needs enough food to feed an army.” He say, holding us a piece of paper with at least 50 different types of food written on it.

Alex narrowed his eyes. This had to be so kind of trick.

John seemed to understand his dilemma, “Trust me. This is not my ideal idea of a Sunday night either.”

“Fine.” Alex agreed, swinging his legs over his bed and standing up. “I’ll do it for Martha.”

“Yeah.” John agrees to what his statement implied; neither wanted to spend time with the other but they would do it for the sake of their adoptive mother.

They made their way down the stairs and out to the driveway. “I’ll drive. Obviously.” He says, muttering the last part under his breath.

“Why obviously? I am perfectly capable of driving” Alex crosses his arms but gets in the passenger side.

“Sure Alex. Do you even have a car?” John asked as he put the car in reverse. Alex quickly stifled the butterflies in his stomach when John placed his hand on the back of Alex’s seat so he could look out the rear window as he backed up. And Alex definitely did NOT notice that the muscles on the other man’s bicep had grown in the last few months.

“I don’t need a car in New York.” Alex replied, choosing not to answer the question directly.

“Oh my bad! I forgot hot shot Alexander doesn’t need a car! He has the mighty taxicab to take him place to place” John said sarcastically.

“At least I’m in a city.” Alex muttered.

The rest of the ride was filled with the most intense silence that Alex had ever heard. He felt like the pressure of the nothingness was going to suffocate him.

They eventually made it to the supermarket and both men exited the car as fast as they possible could. They made their way inside and grabbed a cart.

“Let’s go to the baking isle first.” John said. Alex couldn’t find anything to argue about so he simply nodded.

They made their way through the crowded market. Alex didn’t notice the concerned glances that the freckled man kept giving him. Alex had grown used to the packed streets of New York, though they still freckled him out, but John was still plagued with memories of Alex having panic attacks due to excess amounts of people.

They eventually made it to the safety of the baking isle. “Ok we need flour, sugar, powdered sugar, and baking powder.” John read from the list. They gathered everything they needed; Alex putting the baking powder in the cart last. A smile softly came to his face. “Do you remember when-”

“Laf made cupcakes with backing soda instead of baking powder?” John finished, a smile coming to his face as well.

“And refused to admit that he messed them up-” Alex continued.

“So he ate all of them and got sick” John finished again.

Both men looked at each other, the memory of Laf’s flat cakes bringing fondness to their faces. Their eyes remained locked for several more seconds before they both burst out laughing.

“He was never a good at cooking.” John chuckled.

“Not at all” Alex agreed.

“Look Alex.” John said, his tone changing just a bit. “I know things have been awkward between us because of…ya know…”

“The b-break up?” Alex supplied.

“Yeah. That.” John nodded. “But we don’t need to keep avoiding each other. We can still hang out as friends. We don’t need to make things weird.”

Alex considered declining John’s olive branch. He was still a bit mad about why they had broken up in the first place. But he decided, for the sake of peace and their little family, he would agree. “Yeah.” He said with a small smile. “That sounds nice.”

“Well, friend Alex, what do we need next?” John said. Alex’s heard gave a pang. Now that they weren’t acting like they hated each other and John was using his normal voice instead of one with some bite to it, Alex couldn’t help but be filled with memories of their time together.

“Um… e-eggs” He said and off they went.

\--

“Hey Alex?” John asked as he knocked on Alex’s open door later that night.

Alex didn’t look up from his frantic typing. He had a pen held in his mouth that he had been taking notes between his frantic clacking of the keyboard.

“Alexander?” John asked a little louder.

“Hmm?” Alex asked, still not looking up.

“I need to talk to you about something.” He walked into the room. John felt the compelling desire to sit next to Alex on his bed and literally pull him from his work into a hug. Instead, he sat on the wooden chair a few feet away from where Alex was perched on his bed.

“yghah” Alex spoke before remembering the pen held between his teeth. He quickly pulled it out and John definitely didn’t feel a flutter of desire at the way Alex’s lips moved.

“Yeah?” He said with a light blush.

“I just wanted to let you know that my boyfriend is driving up for dinner tomorrow to meet everyone.” He said.

“O-Oh.” Alex said trying to hide the devastation on his face.

“Yeah.” John said. “And I know we are just friends now, but I just wanted to let you know ahead of time so it wouldn’t be… awkward.”

Alex nodded, understanding. He tried to make it look like he didn’t feel like he had been stabbed. He tried to make it look like he didn’t want to cry. He tried to make it look like he wasn’t totally and completely hopelessly devoted to John.

“Y-yeah. It’s all good.” Alex faked a smiled.

“Good.” John nodded, carefully scanning Alex’s face for any sign of deception. He knew he should be relieved by Alex’s reaction but deep down he had been hoping for a different reaction. He had hope that just maybe Alex still had feelings for him after all they had been through. But he guessed he was wrong.

“Alright. I’m gonna…I’m gonna go to bed.” John awkwardly stands up ignoring all the flashbacks of Alex falling asleep on his chest. “Good night Alex.” He said, walking towards the door.

“H-hey.” Alex stopped him, cursing his nearly defeated stutter. “It really is fine. We are still friends.” He smiled sadly.

“Right. Friends” John agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please please let me know what you think!! Thanks for reading!!❤️


	4. Lee

He was fine. It was just a bit of toast Martha had forced him into eating for breakfast. He could hold it down. He was just nervous. He just wasn’t hungry. He wasn’t making himself throw up. And he definitely wasn’t making excuses.

Alex took a shuttered breath from his spot hutched over the toilet in the shared bathroom. He didn’t have an eating disorder. He had gotten rid of that a long time ago with the help of John. He just didn’t like eating. He didn’t like the way it made him feel and…okay maybe he didn’t like the way it made him look. But it wasn’t an eating disorder. And he didn’t need any help.

“You alright Alexander?” Laf called.

“Y-yeah. Fine.” He mumbled, now slouched over the marble counter.

“I need to grab my hairbrush! Hurry! Lee is almost here!” Laf buzzed excitedly.

“Just a second.” Alex replied. He stood up a bit straighter, pulling his hair into a tighter bun. If he ignored the dark circles from lack of sleep and the sadness in his eye, he would say that he looked half decent. He could handle this. He was just meeting John’s new boyfriend. Friend’s don’t get nervous meeting other friend’s boyfriends. He should be excited. He shouldn’t be utterly and completely filled with dread.

His fear multiplied at the loud ding of the Washington’s doorbell. He heard excited voices downstairs and the sound of the door opening and closing.

He didn’t want to be downstairs for this part. If he saw John kiss someone else in greeting, there was no way he wouldn’t break down into tears.

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door. “You still in there Lex? Laf sent me to get his hairbrush or something. He’s too busy buzzing around downstairs.”

“Y-yeah. Sorry.” Alex said as he unlocked the door and opened it for his friend. He tried to sidestep him but Herc reached out a hand to stop him. Alex tried. He really tried not to flinch. He knew that this was Herc and he knew Herc wouldn’t hurt him. But he also wasn’t used to being touched. Especially after he stooped having John around him.

Herc stepped back instantly. “I’m sorry Alex! I shouldn’t have-”

“N-No. I-it’s fine. R-really.” Alex replied, trying to muster a reassuring smile. He was safe here. He was fine. Everything was okay.

“I was just going to ask if you were okay?” He asked, worry evident in his eyes.

“I’m f-fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” He asked as though he hadn’t just flinched away from one of his best friends.

“It’s just…” He let out a sigh. “I can’t imagine what it would be like if Laf and I broke up. And if he brought home another guy…” Herc tensed at the thought. “Anyway, I just wouldn’t be doing great and I want to make sure you are okay.”

“I’ll be okay.” Alex smiled sadly.

“You sure?” He asked as though he didn’t really believe him.

“Yeah. P-promise.”

Herc nodded as Alex exited the room.

Alex supposed now was as good a time as any to make his presence known downstairs. He slowly made his way to the ground floor. He heard voices coming from the living room and slowly walked direction.

The second he was in view he heard a loud gasp.

“OH! You must be Alex! John told me about you!” The most annoying voice that Alex had ever heard spoke from a spot on the couch pressed way to close to John.

“Hey” Alex mumbled.

“It’s so nice to meet you! I’m Lee! Don’t worry, I won’t break John’s heart like you did!” He laughed at his own joke.

Alex was about to point out that it was John who broke up with him but didn’t get to chance because that stupid fucking nasally voice filled the room yet again. Why was this man so loud? It was like he was shouting across a stage.

“But I’m sure John’s talked all about me.” He smiled smugly.

John looked a mix of embarrassed and uncomfortable by the interaction before him.

“Yeah.” Alex said shortly, deciding to humor him for the sake of his ex.

Lee stood and decided to have the audacity to step closer to Alex. “Well come sit with us! We are just catching up before dinner.”

Alex made a split decision in that moment that there was no fucking way in hell that he would be staying for dinner. “I… um… I actually have to get going.” He spoke.

“Where?” Laf asked.

“I got asked on a date. Last minute thing.” He sputtered out without thinking.

“With who?” This time it was John’s voice that chimed in. His eyes narrowed just a bit, but Alex was sure he was able to see a shadow of jealously reflected in them

Alex wouldn’t say that that flicker of jealously made him feel good per say, but he didn’t hate it.

He had a bigger problem to worry about and that was how to answer John’s question. He could always just make up a name and find someone on tinder or something to be them, but he wanted something better. He wanted the tinge in John’s face to light up. He wanted John to feel how Alex felt when he saw stupid fucking Lee snuggle into his side.

And who would John hate for Alex to be with most. Who would cause the most jealousy?

Without really thinking, Alex said the name of the worst person he could think of.

“It’s with Thomas. Thomas Jefferson.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I already posted today but I got bored so I wrote another chapter😂 LMK what you think!


	5. I hate you... but I'll do it

“Nope”

“Just consider it.”

“We hate each other! Don’t you remember when I would destroy you in debate?”

“Oh please. I always won” Alex shook his head.

“See! This is the issue. We hate each other.” Jefferson smirked as he took a sip of his fancy latte.

  
Somehow, Alex had managed to convince him to meet at a coffee shop near where they went to high school. Alex had told him his plan and Thomas was not taking it well.

“But don’t you want to make John mad? You hate him more than me.” Alex tried. He knew he would eventually convince Jefferson. He wasn’t the best in debate team for nothing.

“Hmm. Let me think about that. No. I hate you more” Jefferson spoke. “The only reason I’m even here is because I wanted coffee”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Come on. There has to be something I can give you.”

“Have sex with me” He said.

“W-what? R-really?” Alex’s eyes widened. There was no way he could do that. Especially with Jefferson. But he needed him to go along with the plan.

“No!” Thomas let out a barking laugh. “Calm mental break down. I don’t want that. I hate you remember.”

“Right.” Alex nodded.

“But now that you mention it, there is something I want” He sat back in his seat a bit.

“Name it.”

“You write anonymously for the New York Times am I correct?”

“What? H-how did you know?” Alex asked. He hadn’t told anyone but George that he was writing as the up-and-coming political writer A. Wash. Now that he thought about it, it was sort of obvious, but he didn’t think anyone who knew him as well as his adoptive family would put two and two together. He had though the pen name was rather clever.

  
“Oh please you really think I’m that stupid?”

Alex was about to say that yes, he did think he was that stupid but decided that it was best to keep the peace in this situation.

“You let me write an article and submit it under your name, and I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend.”

“You won’t get any credit for it or anything.” Alex said cautiously. He suspected Jefferson had some sort of ulterior motive and didn’t want to give him a platform.

“You know I’m smart and a good writer. Even you can’t deny that. I just want to have people hear what I have to say. And I want to be able to say I wrote in the Times.” Thomas explained.

Alex ran through every possible scenario in his head. He didn’t think Jefferson could write anything too terrible. And if he did, his editors would send it back. It seemed like a fair enough deal.

“Alright.” Alex agreed.

“Good.” Thomas nodded. “Let me know when I need to come to dinner and what to wear.” He said before standing to go.

“Wait!” Alex said stopping him.

“What? I really am a busy man.”

“I need you t-to… come here.” He said grabbing the man’s sleeve and pulled him through the busy shop and to the family bathroom.

“I’m flattered you find me attractive but I’m not sure I’m up for a quicky in the bathroom.” Jefferson said in his condescending voice.

“Just shut up. I need you to give me a hickey.” Alex said, pulling off his winter coat and scarf, leaving his neck bare.

“Oh do you now?” Thomas sounded almost amused.

“Yes, and I still hate you. Just do it.” Alex said through his teeth.

“How do you ask nicely?” he smirked.

“Just do it!” Alex said.

“Not without a please.”

“Please?”

“If you insist.”

Thomas had to duck a bit since he was so much taller in order to attach his mouth to Alex’s neck.

Alex hated the feeling of anyone touching him. He tipped bit head back a bit more and tried to imagine it was John’s mouth on him. John’s lips touching him. John’s hand that made it’s way to his waist. 

“There.” Jefferson said, eventually taking a step back to admire his hand work. “I told you I’m good at everything.”

“I still hate you.” Alex mumbled as he quickly wrapped himself in his jacket and scarf again.

“Yeah yeah whatever.” Thomas said as they began walking to the exit.

“See you later. Babe.” Alex said with a smirk once it was time to part ways into the cold night.

“I hate you.” Thomas said, walking away without looking back.

\---

It was late when Alex finally returned home. He wanted to get back home once Lee had already left. If he never saw that guys face again it would still be too soon.

Alex unlocked the door quietly as he was pretty sure Marth and George would be asleep by then. He crept up the stairs and turned the corner to walk down the hallway towards his room when he stopped dead in his tracks. His heart stopped. His breath stopped. His mind shattered.

Before him he made out the two figures of John and Lee. John had the other man pressed against the wall as they roughly made out, hands running up and too far down for Alex’s liking. Not that he liked any of it.

Alex took a step backwards to leave which evidently alerted the couple of his presence. Lee saw him first and made direct eye contact with him, a small smirk coming to his face. John felt Lee look away and turned to see Alex as well.

“I w-was just g-going to my room.” Alex stuttered.

“Oh we’re sorry Alex. We just got carried away.” Lee said with a disgusting giggle. “We were just heading too… the bedroom.” He said, emphasizing the last words.

“Yeah. I’ll meet you in there Charles.” John said, clearly distracted by something.

Lee looked like he wanted to say more but instead pulled John in for one more slow and suggestive kiss. “I’ll be waiting.” He said before skipping off to John’s room.

“S-sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I was just coming home and I assumed everyone would be a-asleep and I didn’t know he was spending the night. Which is fine! I don’t c-care or anything. Why would I? We are just-”

“What’s that?” John asked, cutting off Alex’s ramble.

“Whats…what?” Alex asked, confused.

“On your neck.” John said, pointing.

Alex had almost forgotten about the hickey he had convinced Thomas to leave.

“Oh. It’s nothing.” Alex says with a little smile.

“Yeah. Whatever.” John said a little to coldly for Alex’s liking. He knew that John knew very well what was on his neck, he just didn’t like it.

“G-goodnight.” Alex said and turned to go.

“You don’t do that as much anymore.” John said.

Alex turned around, surprised that John was continuing the conversation. John himself seemed a little bit shocked.

“What?” Alex asked, a bit confused.

“You’re stutter.” He clarified. “You don’t do it as much. You sound more confident.”

“I am more confident.” Alex said, though he certainly didn’t feel it at the moment.

“Good.” John said. “I guess you were right then.” He said, turning to go join Lee in his room.

“About what?” Alex cocked his head to the side in confusion.

“I guess you really didn’t need me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been loving all y'alls comments so here's another quick update!! Thanks so much!!


	6. OUR life

Alex got almost no sleep last night. Between the thoughts running through his head and the soft voices and annoying giggles coming from John’s room…well it hadn’t been a great night.

Alex resigned himself to the fact that he would not be getting anymore sleep at 4 am and decided to just get up. He took a shower and tried to make himself look as presentable as possible before opening the door to go back to his room. Of course, standing in the doorway, was Charles fucking Lee.

“Oh good! You’re finally out! I’ve been waiting forever.” He says, pushing past Alex into the bathroom.

Alex wanted to mention that it was in fact his house and not Lee’s but decided against it. He turned to walk back to his room but evidently the other man wasn’t done with him.

“You look so much better than in the picture’s I saw of you.” He said as he began fixing his hair in the mirror.

“Um…thanks.” He said, not really sure how to react to the backhanded compliment.

“I mean you could stan to lose some weight but good for you for not really caring!” He said with a fake smile.

Everything else the man said went completely over Alex’s head. He tunned out the rest of the world feeling like his vision was going numb. His chest felt tight and his breath became short. He hadn’t had this feeling in a while, but he instantly realized what it was.

He needed to get out of the hallway. He couldn’t have a panic attack in front of Lee. He couldn’t add insult to injury and embarrass himself like that. He quickly turned and entered the room closest to him and closing the door before leaning against is and sliding to the floor, tears beginning to fall down his face rapidly as he lost control of his lungs.

He hadn’t had a panic attack in quite some time. He had gotten better at controlling his breathing and didn’t get triggered as much as he had. But the two times he had had panic attacks at college he had locking himself in his bathroom with no one to help him calm down and had ended up passing out on the tiled floor. That was probably what was going to happen now as he bit his fist, attempting to make as little noise as possible.

But suddenly, there was someone in front of him, not quite touching him but speaking gently. What was he saying? Alex did his best to focus all the energy he had left onto the man’s words.

“…and out. Just like that. Are you with me Lexi?”

Alex slowly began to follow the directions given to him. He forced his lungs to allow air in and out, closing his eyes as he finally began to breath.

His breathing eventually evened out completely, and he leaned his head back against the wooden door, completely exhausted.

“Are you alright?” came the all to familiar voice of John Laurens.

“Y-yeah. Fine. P-perfect.” He said, scrambling to his feet.

“Are you sure?” John asked, standing as well from where he had been squatting in front of Alex.

“yeah. Sorry. I didn’t realize this was your room.” He mumbled.

“Yeah. Sure.” John said with a small chuckle.

Alex how ever did not find this funny. “I didn’t.” He crossed his arms.

“Sure Alex. You just happened to come to me during a panic attack. Complete coincidence that you came running to the person who can best calm you down.”

“So you’re calling me a liar?” Alex asked indignantly. 

“I’m saying there’s no shame in admitting you need help.” John replied getting a bit worked up himself now.

“But I don’t need your help!” Alex shot back.

“Funny, cause I distinctly remember you not being able to breathe just a minute ago.” John replied.

“Oh that’s really low John.”

“But it’s true!”

“This is the reason we broke up in the first place!” Alex cried out.

“Because you can’t admit you need help!”

“No!” Alex took a step forward. “We broke up because you can’t understand that I don’t need you hovering over me and being borderline possessive. I am my own person.”

“I never said you weren’t!”

“Then why did you always try to control me?”

“I didn’t! You just never listen to me!” John replied, taking a step closer as well.

“All I do it listen to you! That’s the problem.”

John let out a humorless laugh. “Well clearly that’s not true because who is the one who skipped on off to New York without a thought to anyone but themselves?”

“I thought about you more than I should have when I made that decision about MY life.”

“It was supposed to by OUR life Alex! But clearly, it’s not anymore. It stopped being ours when you stopped thinking of me.”

“I stopped thinking of you when you stopped loving me.”

“I never stopped loving you!” John shot out.

They were now inches apart, just staring at each other. Suddenly, John reached out his hand and pulled Alex into a hard, deep kiss.

Alex felt like he was floating. Like the only thing keeping him from flying away. Was John’s strong hand on his cheek.

As quickly as it started, it was over. John pulled his lips from Alex’s chapped ones. They made brief eye contact before they both scrambled away from each other.

There was a long pause of silence, neither knowing what to say.

“Well, it doesn’t matter now.” John said eventually. “It’s in the past. We’ve both moved on.”

Alex wanted to shout that he had not moved on! And judging by that kiss John hadn’t either. He wanted to hold the other man close and never let go. He wanted John to kiss him over and over again, never leaving.

But instead, he just nodded.

“Oh good! You’re both here!” Lee said, entering the room. It was only then that Alex noticed the man was wearing one of John’s Virginia sweatshirts that he himself used to wear frequently. “I had the most wonderful idea! Why don’t John and I and you and that Thomas guy of your’s go on a double date tonight! Wouldn’t that be so much fun?” Lee asked as he walked over to John and slotted himself against his side.

“Yeah. Sure. I’ll call him.” Alex said.

“Great! This will be so much fun!”

Alex then turned and left knowing he wouldn’t be able to hold back his tears if he was Lee kissing John for one more second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have school today so here's another chapter!! Thanks for reading!!❤️


	7. Dinner

_“John! John guess what!” Alex said, running excitedly into his boyfriend’s room holding his letter tightly in his hands._

_“What’s up Lexi?” John asked, standing up from his spot laying on his bed to pull Alex into a tight hug._

_“I-I got my l-letter from Columbia! I g-got in!” He said with a smile._

_John’s face still held a smile, but it was different. Almost forced. “Columbia? I thought you decided not to apply there?” He asked taking a small step back._

_“Well Mr. Hale t-told me I should do I did! I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think I w-would get in but I did!” He said happily._

_“I thought we were going to go to UVA?”_

_The smile began to fall from Alex’s face. “Well yeah t-that would have been nice but this i-is a big opportunity f-for me.” He said, looking at the floor._

_“We can talk about it later.” John said._

_“A-alright.” Alex said sadly. He had hoped John would share his excitement. Apparently, he was wrong._

_“Come on Lexi. There’s a new restaurant downtown that I want to take you to.” John smiles, changing the subject._

_“Should I change?” Alex asked. He didn’t really want to drop the college subject just yet but knew that there was an eventual fight coming. He hated fighting with John and decided he was okay with pushing it off as far as possible._

_“You are perfect just the way you are.” John smiled, kissing his cheek. “Let’s get going.” He took Alex’s hand._

_\----_

“What’s on your mind. Babe?” Jefferson asked from the driver’s seat of some fancy car his father had bought him.

“Nothing.” Alex replied. It really wasn’t nothing, but he didn’t know how to explain how he was feeling to hi once enemy, now fake boyfriend. In truth, he had been thinking about the night that things had begun to go downhill. He and John hadn’t broken up that night but it was the first spark that started the fire that would eventually burn their relationship to ashes. 

“So tell me more about this Lee guy?” Thomas asked. They were on their way to some restaurant that Lee had chosen for their double date. Alex thought that getting hit by a car sounded more fun than having dinner with John and his boyfriend but there was no way he could get out of it.

“I hate him. He’s a winey baby who for some reason has decided he needs to make me miserable.” Alex huffed.

“Sounds like a real charmer. I can see the appeal of making your life miserable though.” Thomas chuckled.

“Why did you hate me so much in high school?” Alex asked.

“Do. Present tense. I _do_ hate you.”

“Right. I forgot.” Alex shook his head with a small smile.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t used to having any real competition in debate. And you are just sorta annoying.” He said.

“It wasn’t because I was fat and ugly?”

Thomas glanced over at Alex as he drove. In his eyes was something that could be interpreted as concern. “You were never ugly. Or fat.” He said slowly.

“What about now?” Alex asked. Never in a million years did he ever think he would be sitting in a care asking Thomas freaking Jefferson, his high school nemesis, if he was pretty.

“I’m not going to lie; you are an attractive guy. Especially after you gained some confidence and stopped hiding that hair in your face.” He said, a bit uncomfortably. Thomas wasn’t one for talking about feelings. “I would never hate someone because of how they looked. I’m a dick but not an asshole.”

“Oh.” Alex said, looking at his hand. He was surprised that Jefferson would lie about something to protect his feelings. There was no way he thought Alex was good looking.

“Did someone tell you otherwise?” He asked.

“Oh it’s nothing. L-Lee just told me I should lose some w-weight this morning is all.”

Jefferson suddenly slammed the breaks, causing a car to honk behind him; not that he cared. “He what?!”

“It’s no big deal. I j-just struggled with it in the p-past I guess.” Alec said nervously.

Jefferson looked at Alex for a long second before he began driving again.

“He shouldn’t have said that to you. I’m sorry Alex.” Thomas said eventually after a brief silence.

Alex couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had never heard Jefferson apologize to anyone in his entire life. On top of that he had called him by his first name. In the past he had only called him Hamilton and more recently have taken to jokingly calling him babe.

“I-it’s fine.” Alex said eventually.

“It’s not.” He replied. “But don’t worry. I’m going to be a complete ass to Lee and John. You think high school was bad, get ready for college.” He smirked.

Alex let out a laugh. Now that they weren’t competitors, Alex didn’t really mind Thomas. Of course, he could never tell him that. He would never hear the end of it.

\---

“I’m glad we finally got to do this!” Lee said from his spot squished as close to John as the chairs at the restaurant would allow. It was a nice restaurant too. John had taken Alex here on a date once. He wondered if John even remembered.

“Me too.” Alex said drying but adding a fake smile.

“I like your Armani sweater. You can hardly tell that it’s a fake.” Jefferson said to Lee. Alex had to muffle a small laughed. He knew Thomas intended on being a dick but he didn’t know he would start off so strong.

“It’s not a fake.” Lee sputtered out.

“The hem doesn’t line up correctly. That means it’s a fake. See look at mine. That means its real.” Thomas said, holding up the sleeve of his own very expensive sweater.

“What’s good here?” John says changing the subject and flipping through his menu.

“How about the carbonara?” Thomas asked Alex. They had planned this part out. Carbonara had been the meal that John had taught Alex how to make on their one year anniversary. It had been a special dish to them ever since. Well…it was.

“Eww no. I hate carbonara.” Alex said, scrunching up his nose. He didn’t look at John but could feel his eyes on him in an intense and somewhat hurt gaze.

They eventually all ordered their food. Alex had tried to get a small soup as he had been trying to ear as little as possible, but Thomas refused and ordered him so chicken dish that ended up being very good. Jefferson’s insist that he eat real food earned another glare from John who had always been the one to do that in the past.

Alex might have said he almost had a good time, goofing off with Jefferson and doing everything they could to make Lee and John upset without being outwardly mean. Well Alex was trying not to be too mean. Jefferson had given up on that. One of his personal favorite parts of the conversation was when Alex asked Lee his major and he had answered with fine arts and Jefferson responded with “Oh great! So you’re an idiot.” Alex had almost choked on his chicken.

When they all began to finish Alex felt a feeling in his stomach. He knew he shouldn’t have eaten so much. His stomach couldn’t handle that much after being empty for so long.

“I’m gonna head to the bathroom” He said, standing up.

John knew instantly what was going on and was about to open his mouth when Lee spoke before him. “Oh! I’ll come too! I need to freshen up. Come along Lexi!!”

Alex sent a pleading look to Jefferson who replied with a smirk that meant, ‘what can ya do?’

That left John and Thomas alone at the table.

“I was surprised when Alex said he was dating you. Since high school you-”

“You’re an idiot.” Jefferson cut him off.

“What?”

“You are so fucking stupid John.” Thomas shook his head. “You don’t realize how amazing Alex is and you are so blind you don’t see how much of an ass Lee is.”

“Lee isn’t perfect but-”

“You should ask Alex what he said to him.” Thomas interrupted again.

“What did he say?” John asked, a bit surprised.

Jefferson just shook his head. “So fucking stupid.”

They sat in silence glaring at each other until the other men came back. Little was said as they paid their bills and left the restaurant with a pitiful excuse for a goodbye.

Jefferson was driving Alex home despite the fact that John and Lee were headed the same place as him. It was quiet for a long time, but Thomas eventually spoke up. “If you ever need another fake date, or even if you just want to grab coffee or something, you can call me.” He said softly.

“Thank you Thomas.” Alex replied. That really meant a lot to him. Alex wasn’t doing great, both mentally and physically. It was nice to know he had someone outside of his immediate group to talk to.

Jefferson reached over the car counsel and took Alex’s hand in his own. He gave it a small squeeze. “It’s going to be okay Alex.” He spoke softly.

Alex almost believed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit chaotic so... sorry about that😂 but you got a flash back, dinner, and some Alex/Jefferson moments. LMK what you think!!


	8. "George wants to talk to you"

“Alexander!” rang the loud voice of Lafayette as he bounced up the stairs.

“Yeah?” Alex called out from his spot at his desk where he was frantically typing away working on a potential article he was writing.

“George needs you in his office.”

This got Alex’s attention. He was only summoned to his father’s office when something really good or something really bad happened. He hoped it was the good thing but judging by how his life has gone thus far he assumed the worst.

“C-coming.” He said as he closed his laptop and made his way down the stairs. He traveled though the large house and eventually made it to the closed door of George’s office. He knocked twice and was told to enter, which he did.

The second he opened to door he realized that he was not the only one Mr. Washington had asked to see. John was sitting in the wooden chair across from the Senator. He seemed to surprised to see Alex.

They stood there a moment, staring at each other. Alex then realized that there was only one chair in in the room besides the fancy one that belonged to George and John was already sitting in it.

  
John appeared to realize the same thing and he stood, silently offering the chair to Alex.

“You can take it.” Alex said, shaking his head.

“No. I’ll stand.” John replied stubbornly.

“I insist.” Alex spit back. He truthfully did not care who sat in the chair, it just seemed like John was liking for something to argue about and Alex was more than happy to oblige.

“Alex. Just sit.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Boys. Please.” George cut off their bickering with a sigh. “I need to talk to the both of you about something important.”

This caught their attention. They turned to face their father figure (both still standing) with orried looks.

“W-what happened?” Alex asked.

“I know you both have been busy and a bit…” George searched for the right word, “distracted since returning to Virginia.” He said. “But there are some upcoming events that we need to discuss.”

“Oh that’s it?” John asked. “We’d be happy to speak at any of your campaign events!” He smiled.

“Don’t speak for me John. But I would be happy to as well.” Alex said, shooting a glare at the taller man.

“It’s not that kind of event boys.” George said with a fond smile that didn’t remain on his face for long. “I suppose I’ll just cut to the chase. Henry Lauren’s is going to be released from jail in one week.”

The room suddenly felt different. Though the temperature had not changed, Alex felt like he was inhaling dry ice. The air was thick and the walls were tight.

“What-” John started but George raised his hand, signaling that he wasn’t done.

“And James Evans gets out a week after that.”

If Alex’s chest was tight before, he was full on suffocating now. But he kept a straight face. He couldn’t break down in front of John again.

John himself looked equally as concerned. He sent a worried glance to the man on his right. “But they wouldn’t try to talk to us or anything…would they? I mean we have the restraining orders and everything.”

“I would like to say that they will steer clear of the two of the two of you, but I cannot be sure. They are both very unstable men that believe you have taken everything from them. They have lost their entire lifestyles and blame you. Men like that, who feel like they have nothing to lose…they can be dangerous.” George said.

“W-what are w-we going to do?” Alex asked, speaking for the first time in a while.

“We will be putting in place new safety precautions until you are sent back to school. I have hired extra security at Mt. Vernon as well as a personal security guard for each of you.”

“I don’t want a security guard.” Alex said quickly. He couldn’t handle some random person following him around at all times. That just wasn’t going to work for him.

This appeared to annoy John. “Oh come on Alex. Not this again. You need help. Just accept it.” He grumbled.

“Don’t tell me what I need John!” Alex shot back.

“That’s enough.” George cut them off yet again. “I’m sorry Alex but until we assess the situation further, you will have a security guard at all times out of the house starting next week.”

“Fine. Anything else?” He asked, not meaning to sound rood but his voice coming out a bit harsher than usual.

George shot him a concerned look but did not pry. “That is all.” Both boys turned to leave immediately. “John? Could you hang back a moment.”

John nodded and waited for Alex to leave before slouching in the chair. “What’s up G-Wash?” He asked, using the nickname from years ago. It still managed to crack a smile on the Senator’s face.

“Is Alex okay?” He asked.

“I really don’t know.” John sighed. “I’ve tried talking with him but whenever we try to talk as friends, we just end up fighting.”

George only nodded, waiting for John to continue. He could tell the young man needed someone to talk to and he was happy to listen and offer advice.

“And he’s dating Thomas fucking Jefferson. Sorry, Thomas freaking Jefferson.” John adjusted before George could even mumble his usual ‘language’ whenever any of his kids swore. “They hated each other!”

“You don’t seem very happy with Lee.” George pointed out.

“I’m not. I just…I don’t know. I wanted to date someone, and he was interested in me. I was just trying to get over Alex I guess.”

“What if you don’t need to get over Alex?” George asked. He knew he shouldn’t be getting involved in John and Alex’s relationship but he had been getting so sick of them pretending they didn’t love each other that he just couldn’t help but intervein.

“What do you mean?”

“Have you two ever talked about what happened? Not fought, talked?”

“Not really.” John admitted.

  
“I would suggest starting there.” He said with an air of finality.

“Right. Thanks George.” John said, still a bit confused but standing up to go.

“And John?”

“Yeah?”

“Make sure he’s eating okay? He seems to be losing weight again.”

John nodded and left the office. He hadn’t even noticed that Alex was losing weight. That would have been something that he caught onto instantly just a couple years ago but not it completely slipped past him.

Maybe George was right. Maybe they needed to just talk it out.

That was a lot easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmk what you think!!


	9. Only for you

John trudged up the stairs after talking to George. The senator had been right. He needed to talk to Alex. No screaming. No fighting. Just a talk. They were going to need each other’s help dealing with the release of James and Henry and he would rather be on good terms should anything happens.

As he walked towards his room, he heard the voice of Lee in Alex’s room. He smiled a bit. Maybe they were getting alone. They might even become friends. As he got closer though he started to hear the things that were being said and Lee sounded less than friendly despite he overtly enthusiastic tone.

“You know it’s really not that hard to lose weight. I bet if you just ate less you would be fine!”

John saw red. Did he really just say that?! Did Charles fucking Lee, the man John himself had invited into their house really just told Alex, the guy who has struggled with weight and eating his whole life that he needed to lose weight?!

“And I’m sure you would get more guys if you looked better. You don’t want to lose that Jefferson guy the way you lost John because you are too fat now do you?” Lee giggled.

“Get the fuck out of this house.” John said, appearing in the doorway. His voice was calm but his eyes were dangerous.

“Oh John! We were just talking about you!” Lee smiled. He walked over to John and attempted to pull him in for a kiss.

John stepped away from him as though he were made of fire. “Don’t touch me. Get out of this house Lee.”

“What did I do?” He asks innocently.

“I’m not going to say it again.” John said through his teeth.

Now Lee was mad too. “What? So, I give some simple beauty tips to Lexi here and I get kicked out! That doesn’t seem fair now does it.”

“We are done Lee. I never want to see you again. Leave before I call our security.” Their security technically wouldn’t be with them till James was released but Lee didn’t need to know that.

“Fine.” Lee said. “It’s your loss.” He spits out, pushing past John and making his leave of the Washington house. Hopefully for the last time.

John looked over at Alex. He had been expecting him to be upset. He had expected tears or even a panic attack. He didn’t expect Alex to be outwardly fine.

“I’m sorry Alex. He never should have said-”

“It’s fine.” Alex said, looking up. “I have to get going.”

“Where?” John asked.

“Jefferson and I are going Christmas shopping.” Alex said, picking up his wallet and keys.

“But…we always go Christmas shopping together.” John said, a bit hurt though he knew he didn’t have a right to be.

“We also used to be dating.” Alex said coldly. “I’ve got to go.” He said pushing pash John. He managed to hold his devastated tears in his eyes until he was in his car.

\---

“So what’s your game plan Alex?” Jefferson asked. Alex hadn’t actually planned on going shopping with Thomas but decided to take the other man up on his offer to hang out. He didn’t want to be alone at the moment and if it made John jealous, so be it.

“I don’t even know anymore.” Alex admitted. They were sitting in the food courts of the mall eating pretzels and coffee.

“Do you want to get back together with John?”

“I. Don’t. know.”

“Well, what do you know?”

“I love John.” Alex admitted. He had always known that. The question was what he should do with that information.

“Do you want to date him again?”

“I don’t know Thomas!”

“I think you two just need to talk.”

“No shit.” Alex laughed.

“Wow. No need to be hostile Hamilton! I’m just helping you.” Thomas said, though he chuckled as well.

“I know. I know.”

“Well just think about it.” Thomas said. “Oh! I almost forgot to tell you! My family has this big Christmas ball every year on their estate and I need a date. I figured it was only fair that you come with me since you are my boyfriend after all.”

“A ball?” Alex asked, almost laughing. He knew the Jefferson’s were known for being an old money family and were quite old fashioned, but he didn’t know anyone actually had balls anymore.

“Yes, a ball.” Thomas rolled his eyes. “And you will need a tuxedo so be prepared with that.”

“I haven’t worn a tuxedo in years. Not since prom.” He said, smiling at the first part of the memory before remembering what had happened at the end of that night.

“Then why don’t we get you one now. My treat.” Thomas said, getting to his feet and pushing his garbage towards Alex.

“Why do I have to take the trash?” Alex complained though he did grab the empty coffee cups and napkins.

“Because I’m buying you a tux.” Thomas replied, as though it were obvious.

“You don’t have to do that.” Alex turned to him with wide eyes. He could afford to get his own suit. George would be more than happy to supply him with the funds.

“Think of it as my Christmas present for you.” He replied. “Plus, I’m rich.” He shrugged smugly.

“Sometimes I forget how much of a dick you can be.” Alex rolled his eyes as they began walking though the mall.

“Only for you.” Jefferson said sarcastically. “Only for you.”

\---

“I don’t think this is going to work.”

“It has to work!” The once representative now convict Henry Laurens replied angrily.

“Why can’t we just kill them and skip town? You said you had that friend who can get us fake passports.” James asked.

“Death is too easy. Those little shits took everything from me! They took everything from you! I want them to pay and I want it to hurt.” Henry said. He was shot a glare from one of the guards and lowered his voice. He didn’t want to be forced to leave the cafeteria. It was the only time he and James could work on their plan.

“But I will get to kill Alex, right? That’s all I ask.” James replied.

“We are going to do worse than that. They are going to wish they were dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMK what you think!!


	10. Win him back

Alex felt strange. He had only worn a tuxedo three times in his life; once to George’s friend’s wedding, once to an election party whey Washington had gotten chosen for another term and once for prom. He felt different now. He still hated the way he looked sure, but he felt almost better.

He wasn’t sure why. His life was a huge mess right now; John and he were hardly talking, his abusers were going to be released from prison, and his closest friend was his high school bully. But for some reason, he felt good. The tux Jefferson had insisted on buying him was very nice and extremely expensive. It was a dark black with silky accent that were a green so dark they almost appeared back as well. John had always told him he looked good in green. He said it looked good with his eyes. Not that Alex was thinking about John anymore.

The doorbell rung and the man was yet again reminded of how similar this all felt to his pro, night. Thomas would be picking him up on the way to his parent’s estate for the ball. It was the same feeling, different guy.

Alex quickly made his way out of the room, hoping to be the one to open the door but unfortunately, he barely even made it to the top step when he heard John pull the door open. “Jefferson?” he asked, clearly confused as to why the man was at his house dressed so nicely.

“Laurens.” Thomas nodded politely but still a bit cold. He didn’t like John. 

“What are you doing here? Why are you dressed like that?”

“I’m picking up…” He started before he looked up and saw Alex making his way down the steps. Both men stared as he descended the stairs. Alex was reminded of the one scene in the 4th Harry Potter where Hermione had her grand entrance for the ball. Both John and Thomas stared at him with wide eyes and unreadable looks. Maybe he looked better than he thought. He had pulled his hair back into a low ponytail and shaved more carefully than usual. Maybe he cleaned up nicer than he thought.

“S-sorry I’m late.” Alex said, a bit nervously as he made his way over to the two men in the doorway. Neither replied, both still staring at Alex. “D-do I look funny?” he asked, beginning to feel self-conscious as the attention.

“No!” Both said at the same time then quickly shooting the other a deadly look.

“You look amazing babe.” Thomas said He took a step forwards and pulled Alex into a deep and passionate kiss that was clearly meant to make John jealous. And it worked.

“Where are you going?” John asked, interrupting their little make out session.

“To a ball.” Thomas replied. Wrapped a protective arm around the shorter man’s waist keeping him close to his side.

“Oh.” Was all John said.

“I won’t be back till late.” Alex said as he opened the door.

“Maybe not at all. You can spend the night with me if you’d prefer.” Jefferson added. He could practically fell John vibrating in jealously as they closed the door and Thomas was loving every second of it.

Once they were alone however Thomas removed his hand from Alex and took a step away. “I should have asked you before I did any of that.” He apologized. They began walking through he cold night to his car.

“N-no. It’s fine. I actually didn’t mind.” Alex replied with a shy smile.

“And I meant what I said.” Thomas opened Alex’s door for him to climb in. “You look great tonight.”

“You are a lot nicer than you act.” Alex said once the other man rounded the car and got in the driver’s seat.

“Just add that to the list of things I am talented at. I suppose that list would be quite long though” He laughed to himself.

“You’re an ass.” Alex rolled his eyes. “But sometimes you can be a nice ass.”

“Trust me. There is no nicer ass than yours.” Jefferson said causing both to fall into comfortable laughter.

\---

“Laf!!!” John yelled out as he stomped up the stairs and barged into his friend’s bedroom. ‘

“Yes, mon amie?” Laf asked looking up from his phone. “What can I do for you.”

“I want to get back together with Alex.” He said firmly, pulling the desk chair so it was across from his friend and sitting in it.

“You should probably be talking to Alex about that.” Laf said. He put down his phone and offered John his full attention.

“Yes, but I don’t know how.”

“Have you tried talking to him?”

“Yes, but we always end up fighting.” John sighed sadly.

“That is a predicament isn’t it.” The French man chuckled.

“This isn’t funny!” John shot back.

“I’m sorry John but you two are meant for each other. I have no doubt in my mind that you will make up by the end of the year.” He reassured.

“You didn’t see him with Jefferson.” John huffed. He was still trying to get the image of Alex and Thomas locking lips out of his mind.

“Perhaps it is just an act?”  
  


“That’s what I thought at first, but you should have seen the look in Alex’s eyes. They were shinning the same way they used too when he looked at me.”

“You were standing next to Jefferson no?” Laf said thoughtfully.

“Yes?”

“They maybe there were still shinning for you.”

“Do you…do you think he could still love me?” John asked hopefully.

“There is only one way to find out.” Laf said matter of factly. “Talk to him”

“Isn’t there another way?” the other man whined.

“Talk. To. Him.” Laf repeated.

John sighed and got up to go. He needed to make a plan something that would sweep Alex off his feet. Something that would win back his Lexi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long!! I've been super busy!! Lmk what you think!!


	11. Silence

“So, what do you think?” Thomas asked as they stood to the side of the great ballroom watching everybody dance. Both were holding flukes of champagne.

“It’s beautiful.” Alex said. He had been quiet all night. There had been a lot of thoughts running through his mind.

“Do you want to dance?” He asked. Alex wasn’t sure if he was right, but he thought he saw a flicker of nervousness in the other man’s voice. It threw him off hid guard a bit. He wasn’t used to Thomas being nervous or afraid of rejection. He was usually so confident.

“Y-yeah. Sure” He nodded, putting his drink down on a small table beside them. Thomas held out his hand for Alex to take.

“Why do you get to lead?” Alex asked, not taking his hand just yet.

“Have you met me? Why wouldn’t I lead the dance.” Jefferson said with a smirk and a laugh.

“That’s not a good reason.” Alex said though he did take the man’s hand and let him lead him out to the dance floor. The orchestra struck up a slow waltz as Thomas placed a hand on Alex’s hip and they began the dance.

“Well, I’m taller than you. Is that a good reason?” Thomas asked.

“So, you are just conforming to societal norms? A shorter person can’t be a leader?” Alex teased a bit further.

“If I wasn’t taller, then I couldn’t do this?” Jefferson said. In one sooth movement he moved his hand that was holding Alex’s up high and used the hand on his hip to spin him around in a twirl.

Alex let a soft giggle fall from his lips as he spun, eventually coming to a stop even closer to Thomas, their chests pressed close together. Their faces were suddenly very close together. Foreheads nearly touching. They continued to sway back and forth with the music but were no longer fully dancing.

Neither broke the eye contact their shared choosing instead to stare into each other’s eyes. Both of Thomas’s hands were now both on Alex’s waist as they got closer and closer.

“Tell me to stop.” Jefferson said, leaning in even more, daring Alex to pull away. He didn’t. He met Jefferson halfway in a sweet soft kiss. This was the first time they kissed on their own. There was no one they were trying to make jealous. No underlying scheme. Nothing but them.

But something was wrong. Alex had always been able to feel something when he kissed someone. When he was younger and his past abuser James had kissed him, he felt something. Something terrible. Something full of pain but still something. When he kissed John, he felt fireworks. He felt everything good, everything right, and everything John.

But now he felt plank. It wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t good. It was just nothing. And more importantly, it wasn’t john.

Alex pulled away. He looked up to see Thomas looking down on him with a smile. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while. For real.”

Alex couldn’t be here. He couldn’t stay. He pulled his hands away from Thomas. “I’m s-sorry.”

Jefferson’s smiled fell from his face. “What are you sorry for?”

“I-I c-can’t. I need t-to go, I’m sorry.” He stuttered out before turning.

“Wait Alex I’m sorry!” He said, reaching out to grab Alex’s hand but the smaller man flinched away.

“I’m s-sorry.” Alex said again before turning and rushing through the busy ballroom of dancing people and fancy lighting. Thomas chased after him but was caught in a group of people.

Alex made his way down the front entrance of the Jefferson mansion and began running. He nearly laughed at the dramatic Ciderella like exit he was taking but he needed to be out of there. He needed to think.

He had made it a decent distance from the house before he finally came to a stop. He hadn’t realized how cold he was in his tuxedo until that moment. There was still snow on the ground and his dress shoes were now ruined both from that and the running.

Alex was only about a 30-minute walk from the Washington house now. He had a lot of time and things to think about. Alex had always considered his relationship with Thomas fake. Sure they had grown close but Alex never really considered that he an Thomas could have a relationship. The whole plan had been to make John jealous but what was the end goal. Did he want to get back together with him? Was he trying to move on?

This was his main problem; he didn’t know what he wanted.

Alex was snapped from his thoughts by a sound coming from across the street. He was currently in a residential area walking home but it was nearly pitch black out besides the light glow from the streetlights.

Alex looked around but didn’t see anything. It wasn’t till that moment that he realized how truly stupid he was. James had been released from prison yesterday and Henry would be within the next week. One of the men that hated him most had just been given freedom, and Alex was walking home alone in the middle of the night in the dark.

He continued to walk, his head down. He wished he had had the sense to grab his coat from the coat check on the way out. His phone was in his pocket. He couldn’t even call for help if he needed to at this point.

He jumped again from fear when he heard the soft growl of a car engine slowly getting louder and louder. He began walking faster. He saw the head lights now reflecting on the street in front of him. He considered running but he knew he could not out run a car.

He was about to turn to try and hide in the bushes when he heard a friendly voice call out, “Alex? Need a ride?”

He let out a breath that he hadn’t known he had been holding. “Yes please.” He said gratefully as he climbed into Hercules’s black Volvo.

“What are you doing out here all alone? You are going to catch a cold” He asked once Alex was inside. The tailor reached into the back of his car and grabbed a long piece of fabric, giving it to his friend to use as a blanket to warm up.

“I was walking home.” He shivered. 

“Good thing I saw you. I’m heading to the Washingtons’ too.” He said. There were a few minutes of silence which was unusual. After they had broken Alex out of his shell, he almost never shut up. It wasn’t like him to be content not speaking.

“Are you alright?” Herc asked, glancing over as he drove.

“I’ve just got a lot going on.” Alex replied, avoiding the question.

“Can I ask why you are wearing a tux?”

Yet again he managed to avoid answering saying, “Isn’t it lovely! It’s made of a new Italian silk”

The rest of the ride was filled with Herc ranting about different fabrics and the best ones for formal wear. Again, Alex was more than happy to sit and listen. For once in his life, he didn’t have anything to say.

This was because he didn’t know what to say.

And he didn’t know what to think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long but here's another chapter! LMK what you think!


	12. Breakups

Alex didn’t look up from his book when he heard the soft knock on his door at three o’clock a week after the ball. He already knew it was Laf. “Don’t come in.” He called out but was ignored.

“Alexander! Take a break from your writing! Come see a movie with Herc, John, and I!” He said, gliding into the room and plopping himself on Alex’s bed as if it were his own. He had been bugging Alex about once a day for the last week in attempt to get him to go out with the rest of their friend group.

As he had done the last seven times, Alex refused. “No thank you Laf. I’m busy.”

“But mon amie!” Laf whined dramatically as he slid off the bed and went to his directly in front of Alex on his desk. “You are leaving to go back to college in less than a week! We want to spend time with you”

“I know Laf. I just have a lot of work to do.” Alex lied. In reality he had finished all of his winter break work weeks ago, but he didn’t need to tell Laf that.

  
“You haven’t done anything but work for 7 days. You must be done by now.”

“I’m not.”

“Is this about John?” Laf asked, cutting to the chase.

Alex sighed. “It’s not not about John.”

“Talk to me Alex please. I know I’m close with both of you but that doesn’t mean you have to keep everything bottled up. You don’t tell me anything about John. You didn’t even tell me what happened when you broke up?!” Laf said.

“Do you want to know?” Alex asked. “How we broke up” He added when he saw the look of confusion on the other man’s face.

Laf nodded quickly, sitting farther back on the desk to get comfortable for the story.

“Well, we had been fighting ever since I got into Columbia, but everything fell apart when I came home for a week after my first semester.” He started…

_“A whole week! Just the two of us!” John smiled happily as he and Alex walked had in hand through the large path that went through the Mt. Vernon estate._

_“I k-know! I’m excited.” Alex smiled back._

_“I have a lot planned for us this week” John said. “But first we need to talk about something.” He said, voice becoming a bit softer._

_“What is it?” They both stopped walking and turned to face each other._

_“I’ve been thinking about this for a while.” John said, a sheepish smile finding its way to his face. “And I figured now that your back is a good a time as ever.”_

_“For w-what?” Alex asked, beginning to feel butterflied in his stomach. He didn’t like not knowing what was going to happen._

_John slowly reached into his pocket and revealed a small black box._

_“Oh my god.” Alex breathed out._

_“Alex. I love you more than anyone or anything on this planet.” John started. He sank down so he was on one knee. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me.”_

_Alex had been on board until this point. He had always dreamed of getting married to John but that last phrase didn’t sit well with him. ‘marry me.’ Not ‘will you marry me’ or even ‘marry me?’ It sounded like an order. Like Alex didn’t have a choice._

_“Marry you.” Alex echoed back._

_“Yes. Marry me.” John repeated, face falling a bit in confusion. “Don’t you want to?”_

_“That’s the problem John!” Alex yelled out, surprising the other man with his sudden change of tone. “T-this is why w-we keep getting into fights all the time! You don’t ask me what I want. You tell me what I want! I am an adult. I can make my own decisions.”_

_“That’s funny because I believe I just asked you to marry me.” John said, getting to his feet. The open ring box hanging from his hand. _

_“No. You told me to marry you.” Alex countered. _

_“This is ridiculous Alex. You could have just said no. You don’t need to make a big deal out of it.” John scoffed._

_“I should have made a big deal about it sooner! I don’t want to be with someone who always tried to control me let alone marry them! I’ve delt with that enough.”_

_“Are you saying you want to break up?” John asked. Everything was suddenly quiet. Event he noises of the stream and the birds seemed to disappear at that one statement._

_Alex had not meant that. He still loved John so much it hurt. All he wanted was to be allowed to make his own decisions. Change up their dynamic a bit. But maybe John wanted to break up. Alex really couldn’t blame him._

_John took Alex’s silence for an answer. “Alright.” John said softly. “See you later I guess.” He mumbled before walking back up the path they had come._

_  
Alec tried to get words to come out of his mouth. He tried to call out for the love od his life, but no words would come._

“And when I got back to the house he was gone. I pack up and left for New York that night.” Alex finished the story. He had soft tears streaming down his face and quickly wiped them away.

“I didn’t know he proposed.” Laf breathed out. The story had clearly not been what he was expecting.

“Yeah. He wanted me to transfer to UVA with him too. Wanted me to give up Colombia.” Alex scoffed.

“Could I just say one thing in his defense.” Laf asked his brother. Alex nodded once. “I’m not excusing his behavior. He definitely should have communicated better. But for the first few years of your relationship, you were going through a lot of trauma. John stepped in and you relied on him, almost completely at times. He may have gotten used to playing that comforting role in your life. When you became more independent and confident, he might have felt like you don’t need him anymore. Like he no longer has a role to fill.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Alex shook his head. “I always needed him. I still do. But I guess it’s too late now.”

“It’s never too late mon amie! Didn’t you too decide to be, as you say, just friends? Come to the movie with us. You can spend time together platonically. And me and Herc will be there as well.”

“Well…” Alex contemplated.

“Pleaseee! What if I died tomorrow and you never got to spend this time with me.”

“Then I would have some peace and quiet” Alex joked. Laf shot him a dirty look. “Okay okay I’ll come.”

“Wonderful! We are leaving in 10!” He said, bouncing out of the room. The French man then went to his room where John and Herc were waiting anxiously. “Plan get John and Alex back together is a go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMK what you think!!!


	13. Movies and Cars

“Alright, I’m ready.” Alex said, bounding down the stairs and zipping up his coat at the same time. “Who’s driving?” He asked looking up expecting to see Laf, Herc, and John waiting for him but the only one there was his ex-boyfriend.

“Looks like I’m driving” John chuckled.

  
“Where are the others?” Alex asked suspiciously.

“They already left. Laf said he wanted to get good seats.” John said, pulling his car keys out of his pocket.

“Oh. Um thanks.” Alex said. He was feeling a bit suspicious that him and John would be left to drive together but didn’t comment on it. It could all be a coincidence.

They walk out to Johns car and begin driving the route that they had so often taken in high school to the movie theatre.

“Do you remember-” John started.

“When we went to see Toy Story 4 but we went in the wrong theatre and saw a horror movie” Alex continued, a smiled coming to his face.

“And you go so scared we had to leave” John finished with a chuckle.

“You were scared too” Alex laughed shooting him a fond smile.

“Me? Never.” John smirked.

“Yeah. Sure.” He shook his head.

“You look good today.” John said, catching Alex by surprise. It only furthered Alex’s suspicions that something was going on.

“What is going on? What are you and Laf planning?”

“Herc is helping too.” John said, choosing to admit there was in fact a plan rather than to deny it all together.

“And what exactly are you going to do.”

“You see Alex” John smiled charmingly. “We have an elaborate plan to get you to fall back in love with me.”

“Fall back in love with you?” Alex repeated.

“Yup! Although, Laf seems to think you still love me, but you just won’t admit it.”

“I’m with Jefferson-”

“He called Laf last night to make sure you got home. Thomas said he kissed you and you ran off. Now why would you run away if your supposed boyfriend kissed you?” John asked, clearly happy that Alex was not actually dating Jefferson.

“Well…that doesn’t mean I love you.” Alex said, trying to formulate a good argument in his head.

“I guess we’ll wait and see.” John hummed.

They sat in silence for the next couple minutes and although it was not completely comfortable, it didn’t feel altogether strained. While they sat, John began to notice that there was a beat-up black truck trailing behind them. He wouldn’t have thought much of it typically, but it had been behind them for quite some time and the windows appeared to be tinted so he couldn’t see inside.

“This isn’t the way to the theatre.” Alex said as John turned left onto a less busy street to see if the truck would continue to follow them. It did.

“Alex, do you recognize the car behind us.” John asked, attempting to stay calm though internally he was beginning to freak out a bit.

Alex turned around in his seat to look and shook his head. “I don’t think so. W-why?”

“They have been following us for the last 10 minutes.” John said, continuing to look straight ahead. His hands were clenched tightly on the steering wheel.

“Y-You don’t think…” Alex started, not even wanting to finish the sentence. His face turned white with fear.

John didn’t answer. He still had a glimmer of hope that it wasn’t James or Henry, but that hope was draining by the second. Instead, without taking his eyes off the road ahead of him, he reached his hand over to the passenger seat and took Alex’s hand in his. He let their connected hands rest on Alex’s tight and gave it a short squeeze for reassurance that Alex returned.

“Call George.” John said eventually when it became clear that the car was not going to be leaving them alone any time soon. They had weaved in and out of traffic, taken back roads, and alleys and were now on some abandoned road with lots of turns that John had hoped to loose them on.

  
Alex nodded and pulled out his phone.

He had dialed the first few digits of his father’s phone number when he saw it. Well, he heard it first. A slow grumbling. The sound of wheels on gravel. He looked over to his right but it was too late.

“John!” Alex yelled out in fear as a second truck came driving full speed at them.

John tried to step on the gas, but it was too late. A second truck slammed into Alex’s side of the car with a sickening crack.

“Alex” John managed to mutter before passing out in the crumpled car.

\---

“I can’t believe they didn’t come.” Laf complained as him and Herc walked through the door.

“They probably either got in a huge fight or they are now madly in love and needed some a _lone time”_ Herc chuckled.

“Yeah, I suppose. But they promised they’d come.”

“How was the movie boys?” Martha asked. Her and George were sitting on the couch watching the news.

“It was good but Alex and John ditched us.” Laf pouted.

The two parents exchanged and confused and worried look. “They aren’t with you” George asked, sitting up a bit.

  
“They aren’t with you?” Laf echoed back, equally confused. “I thought they were here.”

“No. John’s car is gone. We through they were at the movie.” Martha said.

“I’ll call him.” Laf said but was cut off by George’s phone rang.

“Maybe that’s them.” The Senator said, picking up the phone quickly. They group watched as the man’s face turned from one of worry to complete dread.

“Thank you.” He said handing up.

“What was it?” Martha asked urgently.

“It was the police. John’s car was found wrecked on the side of the road. Him and Alex are nowhere to be found.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMK what you think!!!


	14. Terrified

Alex heard James and Henry before he saw them.

“He looks pretty bad.”

“He’ll be fine. It doesn’t matter how he looks anyway. He’ll end up dead anyway.”

“Well, he needs to live long enough to execute the plan. I need him alive to make John suffer.”

John!? Where was John? Alex needed to get to him. He needed to save him.

“Woah there. I think he’s awake.” The southern drawl of Henry Laurens spoke.

“W-Where is John! I n-need h-him.” Alex cried out, attempting to roll off the couch he was currently being pinned against.

“What did I teach you boy? Don’t speak unless spoken too” James leered over him.

“J-John!” He cried out again and was met with a slap across the face.

“Shut your fucking mouth.” Henry shouted. “I don’t want to hear your voice again or that excuse of a son I have will get it. Understood.”

Alex nodded frantically. He could be quiet if it meant John would be okay. Well, maybe not okay but at least he would be alive.

“Now stay still while I finish wrapping. We can’t have you dying. Yet.” Henry said as he continued to sloppily wrap the white bandage around the young man’s head.

Alex knew from the moment he saw the head light crashing into them that he would be taking at force of the collision, but he had no idea it would hurt this much. His head was throbbing so bad that the lights above him make him feel like he was staring at the sun. His arm was in a careless slight and he felt it broken in at least two places.

His biggest concern however was that he was having trouble breathing. He could feel that his ribs were most likely fractured or broken completely and, if his suspicions were right, one of them had punctured his lung. That was not good.

Once Henry finished administering his excuse for first aid, he took a step back and was replaced by Alex’s once guardian. “Look at you. All grown but still the same little slut.” He sat down on the couch with Alex leaned so he was hovering over him, uncomfortable close. Actually, anywhere within a 30-mile radius was uncomfortable close for Alex. This was terrifyingly close.

“Did you miss me? Miss everything, I did to you?” James ran a hand up Alex’s thigh, resting it way to close to his broken ribs.

Alex attempting to shake his head no but the pounding in his head prevented him.

“Henry told me all about you and John. Said he caught the two of you fucking in his house once. You know that’s against the rules” He shook his head with mock sympathy. “You can only be touched by me or my friends that I give permission to. Isn’t that right.”

Alex knew he was supposed to respond. It had been so hard to break from the training he had been given by his abuser and he felt himself beginning to fall back into the trap. But he couldn’t. He had come so far.

“Isn’t that right.” James repeated, beginning to press down on his rib cage causing and yelp from Alex and a quick. “Yes Sir.”

“Good.” James spoke, clearly pleased with the response. “I can see we have a lot of work to do training wise, but we have all the time in the world. Don’t you worry. We will be spending a lot of quality time together.”

“N-no” Alex knew it was stupid to argue but he couldn’t help himself. He had grown so much and needed to prove that he was not the same scared little boy he used to be.

“No?” James said, surprised. He turned to Henry. “Alex said no. I guess he thinks he’s in charge.”

“I guess we’ll have to do something about that.” Henry nodded with a sneer.

“If that mouth is good at talking back, let’s see if it’s still any good at what it was actually made for.” James said, stepping towards the terrified man and beginning to undo his belt.

\---

When John woke up, he felt like he was underwater. Not only was everything dark, but he felt like there was an enormous amount of pressure forcing him into the ground like a pound of bricks.

He slowly began to become aware of his surroundings. Well, aware was maybe not the right words. He was starting to see his surroundings slightly better, but he still had no idea where he was or what was happening. He had a pounding in his head worse than his hangover the night him and Alex had broken up.

Alex.

Where was Alex?!  
  
He had been next to John in the car. They had been in an accident. But it wasn’t an accident.

It was James and Henry.

John slowly began to piece everything together. He quickly sat up, instantly regretting the movement when his ribs gave a shriek of pain through his body, but he ignored it. He needed to find Alex.

He looked first to his left then his right. There was nothing but cold brick and relative darkness in the dusty room. He tried to stand, and it was only then that he realized his hands were tied. Literally. He was handcuffed to the wall behind him and he could not get out not matter how hard he pulled.

“Alex!” He shouted, hoping the other man could hear him. “Hey! Someone! We need help!” He shouted in hopes someone passing by might hear him but realized his efforts would be in vain as he heard the sound bounce off the brick. There was no way anyone could hear.

He was half right. Apparently, someone heard. Loud footsteps began descending cement stairs down to John. A door slammed open revealing the very last person John had expected to see.

“Jefferson?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I've been working on some other fics but im going to keep working on this one because we've come so far already and you all leave the nicest comments! Thanks for reading!!


	15. Jefferson

“Laurens?” Jefferson asked, surprise in his voice.

“Shut up! Both of you!” Came the voice of James from directly behind Thomas. He had a firm hold on the younger man’s hands. He roughly pushed him towards a wall near John and, despite Jefferson’s struggles, he managed to click the handcuffs over his wrists and trap him on the wall.

“Where is Alex! Tell me where he is you son of a bitch!” John shouted, fighting against his restraints in attempt to get to the poor excuse for a human.

“Alex is here?” Thomas asked whipping his head over to look at John.

“I’ll kill you! I swear to god! I’ll kill you and Henry. Where is Alex!” John continued his threats.

“Now now John. I wouldn’t go threatening your elders. Especially considering your father and I have little Lexi’s life in our hands.” James smiled cruelly.

“If you touch him-” John’s voice switched from loud and fiery to soft and cold it could cut diamonds.

“We’ve done a lot more than touch.” James smirked before turning and walking back up the stairs from which he had come, slamming the door to effectively mute John and Thomas’s threats.

Once it was clear James was no longer listening, John kicked the wall behind him in a burst of rage. He had always had a temper, but it had never boiled over as much as he was feeling it right now.

“Where the hell are we?” Jefferson asked from across the dark room.

“How should I know?” John shouted back.

  
“Isn’t it _your_ father who is trying to kill us?”

“That man is not my father. As far as I am concerned, he is not even human.” John seethed. He paced back and forth as best he could in his restraints before letting out a sigh and sliding down the wall into a sitting position. “Did you see Alex?”

“No…but I heard him.” He replied, eyes clearly pained at the recollection. “That bastard crashed into my car when I was on my way to the Washington house. Laf said you two were missing. I passed out for a bit and when I woke up, I was tied in the back of a car. He blindfolded me and brought me through what I think was a house or something. I heard Alex scream. I tried to get to him, but I couldn’t get away.”

“Shit.” John muttered. “Why did they even bring you here?”

“Fuck if I know.” He rolled his eyes.

“They probably saw you and Alex together. They’ve been watching us.” He said, sounding bitter about Alex and Thomas’s relationship.

“You know we weren’t actually together.”

“Yeah.” John said simply.

“He did the whole thing to make you notice him. He really loves you.”

“I really messed up.” John sighed.

“Yeah, you did.”

There was a long moment of silence, both thinking about the small boy from the Caribbean that had made his way into their hearts.

“You love him?” John asked Thomas. He didn’t sound bitter or jealous this time, just curious.

“Yeah.” Came the reply.

“They we need to do whatever we can to get Alex out of here alive. I’m willing to risk my life for him. He needs to make it out.”

“Agreed.” Thomas nodded.

“Good.” John said. He still couldn’t believe that he was making a pact with his old high school bully in order to safe his ex-boyfriend that said bully had fallen in love with as well. He hoped once it all was over Alex would choose him. But he would understand if he chose Jefferson instead. He was proving to be even less of a jackass then John originally thought.

They were once again met with silence that was broken with the daunting sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. There were two sets, and both sounded too big to belong to the person they really wanted to see.

The metal door swung open revealing James, Henry, and a very small looking Alex being carried roughly in the once Representative’s arms.

“Alex!” Both John and Thomas shouted as the group entered the room.

“Stand back boys or you won’t get your toy.” Henry laughed.

John felt like throwing up when he realized that Alex was the “toy” they were referring to. None the less, he took a step back and watch as Alex was unceremoniously dropped in the center of the room with a whimper. A first aid kit was thrown next to him.

“Make sure he lives through the night. We have a lot planned for tomorrow.” James said. He unlocked one of hand from both John and Jefferson’s handcuff so they could complete the first aid before he and Henry turned and walked back up the stairs.

“Alex! Alex are you okay?” John cried out.

“Say something. Please Alexander.” Jefferson joined.

Alex let out a small groan before say in barely a whisper, “They t-told me n-not to t-talk.”

“They aren’t here Lexi. You can talk. Are you hurt?” John asked.

“Y-yeah. Not to bad though.” He spoke still softly like he wasn’t sure that he believed their kidnappers were gone.

“Can you come over to one of us and we can get you sorted out?” Jefferson asked. The fact that Alex had not been handcuffed worried him. The two men clearly did not think Alex would be capable of getting away in his current state.

“I c-can try.” He nodded. He slowly began to sit up.

“You can do it Lexi, over here” John said at the same time Thomas said, “Over here.” The two turned to look at each other. Both knew they needed to help Alex and the last thing they wanted to do was make him have to choose between them.

Alex seemed too woozy from the pain to notice the awkward situation. He did manage to push the plastic first aid kit over to John before he slowly began to practically crawl towards the young man. He eventually made it across the room, not noticing the bitter look on Jefferson’s face.

“Where are you hurt?” John asked, brushing Alex’s hair out of his face. He noticed someone had done a poor job of patching him up already but there were still many injuries left unattended.

“I b-broke my rib and I h-have a concussion. T-that’s the m-main issues.” He said. John could tell there was something else that he wasn’t telling them.

“What else?” John asked, beginning to rewrap Alex’s head.

“N-nothing.” He lied.

John looked at his face carefully and could see there were dried tears on his cheeks. He remembered back to the stories Alex had told him about living with James. “Did they sexually assault you?” He asked as calmly as he could. He did everything he could not to let his anger show because he knew Alex would take the anger to be directed at him rather than the bastards that had hurt him.

“I’m s-sorry.” Alex whimpered, tears starting up again.

John slowly pulled Alex into his arms as best he could without hurting his ribs. He began whispering words of comfort in reassurance into his ear.

He was going to get Alex out of here.

Or he would die trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading and commenting!! LMK what you thinK!!


	16. Choose.

John thanked the heavens above him that the three of them were left alone through the night. Neither him nor Thomas slept even though each insisted the other do so. They were both too worried about Alex to bother with rest.

At first, they weren’t sure if Alex was unconscious or just sleeping. They knew he was alive because of the gentle rise and fall of his chest. John kept a hand on the man’s heart at all times to make sure his breathing didn’t stop.

Hours later, when Alex eventually did wake up, he did not act like his normal self. Had taken nearly an hour of coaxing for him to even say a word and confirm he wasn’t dying. At least he wasn’t right then.

The three had done their best to try and escape but it was clear they would not be able to do so. Alex remained untied but he was hardly able to move let alone walk or escape. So, they sat in silence. John had one hand chained to the wall and the other touching Alex in whatever way possible.

Their silence was broken however by the dreaded sound of footsteps descending into the basement. John pulled Alex closer to his chest, vowing not to let any more harm come to him.

“How was your night?” James asked in a condescending tone as he and Henry entered the room.

No one spoke. Alex from fear, Thomas not knowing what to say, and John because he knew anything, he said would dig them into a deeper hole and they didn’t need that right now. Alex didn’t need that.

“Y’all are a quiet bunch.” Henry smirked. “We’ll get you taking.” He made his way over to John who quickly scooted forward and placed himself in front of his once boyfriend.

“Stay away from him.” He said in a low voice.

“Now now John. I taught you to respect you father. That bastard Washington has been a bad influence on you.” Henry shook his head.

“D-don’t talk about Washington. He i-is a better man than y-you will ever be.” Alex spoke up, voice strained from pain, but he would not let this man talk poorly about his father.

“Shut up! Only speak when we talk to you” James yelled, causing Alex to curl back in on himself.

“Stay away from him.” John repeated.

“How about this,” Laurens said with a sick smile. John was reminded of when the man used to propose homophobic bills on the floor of the House but would keep a confident and righteous air about him. It made him sick. “We will give little Alex there a break, but one of you will take his place. Me and James need to get our anger out somehow.”

“Deal.” Both Thomas and John said at the same time before looking at each other, suddenly realizing the dilemma they were about to have.

“That’s the catch. Alex has to choose one of you.” James laughed.

  
“We’ll give you some time to discuss.” Henry said before the two adults turned and exited the room.

“I’m n-not choosing one of you.” Alex said firmly.

“Alex you don’t have a choice. You need to choose. Neither of us will be mad. We just want you to be safe.” John said.

“I think you should choose John.” Jefferson said calmly from across the room.

“What?” John said, turning to look in shock. He knew both would insist that Alex choose one of them, but he didn’t expect Thomas to take a side as well.

“He’s the one that broke your heart! Then he brought back that asshole Lee who made you stop eating again! I was the one who was there for you. I was the one who made sure you were okay. All he did was throw you out. Everything is his fault. He just wanted to fuck you then break your heart” Thomas spoke.

“That’s not what happened! You’re a fucking liar!” Johns said, suddenly full of pent-up rage both at Thomas and himself. He was filled again with the images of Alex and Jefferson making out before they went to that party.

“John s-stop.” Alex said, placing a hand on him to try and calm him down. “He didn’t mean it.”

“What you mean?! The bastard just said I treated you like shit! I mean I did but I didn’t date you just to sleep with you! I-”

“I know John.” Alex said. “He’s t-trying to make it easier for me.”

“He’s… what?” John looked over at Thomas who, to his credit, did look a bit guilty.

“He wants me to c-choose him. I-If he acts like a-an ass it will be e-easier for me to choose.” Alex said. Alex was not dumb. He was exceptionally smart in fact. He knew when someone was lying.

“Oh.” John said, instantly feeling bad for yelling.

“You have to choose me Alex. You and John are in love. I can’t let you do that to your relationship.” Jefferson said sadly.

“B-but-” Alex started but was cut off by the reentrance of their captors.

“Did you make a decision?” James asked.

“Me.” Both John and Thomas said in unison. They really needed to stop doing that.

“Well look at that. They both want to play the hero.” Henry said. “Unfortunately for you it has to be Alex that makes a choice.”

“Have you made up your mind?” James walked over to Alex who had once again been tucked behind John despite his insistence that John should be behind him.

“Y-yes.” Alex said, poking his head out a bit.

“Who did you choose.”

Alex looked back and forth between the two men tied up next to him. One completely owned his heart. He would go to the ends of the earth and back for John and they both knew that. The other had been there for him when he felt like he had no one else. He couldn’t choose. He didn’t know what Henry and James were planning but he assumed it would not be good. It would most likely be horrific and painful. He couldn’t put either of them through that. He just couldn’t.

“Make a choice.” James repeated.

Alex took a deep breath. “I choose…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger!!😂 sorry bout that   
> Lmk what you think!!!


	17. Gone

“I choose myself.” Alex said. 

“What? NO!” John said, turning to him in shock. 

“T-the reason they were making m-me choose was b-because they think I w-won’t make it out a-alive, but I c-can take it.” Alex said confidently. Truthfully, he didn’t know if he could take it or not. He could feel his ribs scraping against his lungs. One wrong move and they would puncture it. But better him that John or Thomas. 

“We will respect your decision.” James said as if they would respect anything having to do with Alex. The words made him sick. 

“NO! Stay back. If you touch him-” John began shouting threats and scooting even more in front of Alex. He wasn’t going to let them take the man. They would have to kill him to get to Alex. 

“I suggest you stop with the shouting son.” Henry said. He pulled something out of the loop of his pants revealing he had a gun. He raised it carefully and pointed it straight at Alex. “You can let him go, respect his choice, and there is only a chance he will die, or I can shoot him in the head right now and, I think we know what will happen.” 

“John p-please.” Alex pleaded. He wasn’t pleading for his life. He was pleading for the opportunity to save John’s life. 

“Alex, I can’t let them hurt you.” John said, turning to face him as best he could. 

“Let me g-go. I’ll b-be okay.” 

John felt tears coming to his eyes and for once he didn’t care about acting strong. All he cared about was Alex. “I love you.” He said, leaning in a pressing a kiss to his cheek. It felt painfully like a goodbye. “And I’m sorry. For everything.”

“J-John I-”

“That’s enough of that” James interrupted. Henry kept the gun trained on Alex as the other captor advanced, grabbing Alex roughly by his hair. 

“You are both dead.” The threat came this time from Thomas. 

“It seems to me like Alex is more likely to end up dead than either of us.” Henry laughed causing a stream of struggles, swears, and threats from both Thomas and John but there was nothing they could do as Alex was dragged up the stairs. 

John didn’t know if they had been left down there for days, or minutes but every second was pain. Every breath he took was a reminder that Alex was off being tortured. Every time his heart beat, he felt the absence of his love there. 

“Washington is looking for us.” Thomas said eventually trying to offer some kind of hope. 

“Yeah.” John said. Even if they managed to find the hell hole they were currently locked in, for all they know Alex wasn’t even in the building anymore. 

“Our one job was to keep him safe, and now he’s gone.” John said, filling with another burst of anger. 

“He made the choice himself.” 

“He should have listened to us!” 

“He can make his own decisions.” 

“His own decisions are what is causing him to be fucking tortured right now.” John shouted. 

Jefferson was now getting pissed as well. “This was why he broke up with you Laurens. You never let him think for himself.” 

“Because I want to help him!” John shot back. 

“He’s trying to help you! To help us!” 

“He could die.” John said, this time softly, as if saying it any louder would somehow make it come true. “He can’t die. I don’t know what I would do.” 

“I know. I think I’m the only person in the world who knows exactly what you’re feeling right now but maybe even worse. Because I know if they hadn’t let Alex choose himself, he would have chosen me.” Thomas said softly. “Not that I wouldn’t have gladly taken his place, but I know he’d rather love you than me. And that’s never going to change.” 

They were silent again, both reflecting on what the other had said. 

“What are we-” John started but was cut of by a loud ‘BANG’ coming from upstairs.

“What was that?” 

“You think they are back with Alex?” Thomas asked hopefully. 

“No. It sounds like more than three people.” John replied, listening carefully to the loud footsteps ringing through the house. He played every situation out in his head. Best case scenario, it was the cops coming to help them. Worst case…James and Henry brough some more friends. 

Both young men held their breath anxiously as they heard footsteps descending the stairs towards them. The door jerked back and forth a few times before it flew open forcefully. 

“They’re down here!” The man in a dark blue uniform called out. 

John let out a breath he had been holding. They had been found. They would be okay. Alex would be okay. Alex was the only thing on his mind as he was cut free from his bonds and guided up the stairs by the cop, Thomas close behind him. They were lead through the house. John winced at the sight of what was clearly blood on the couch that he assumed was Alex’s. At least Alex was safe now. They must have gotten him out of the house already. 

They finally made it out the door and John was pulled into a tight hug by the waiting arms of Laf.

“Oh thank God! You’re alright mon amie!” Laf practically shouted into his ear. 

“Yeah. I’m alright, where’s Alex?” He said. He would greet his friend when he knew the other man was alright. 

“He wasn’t with you?” Washington asked, making his way through the police barricade Laf had previously snuck through. It wasn’t until then that John realized the house was surrounded by cop and set up like a crime scene. 

“No.” John said, suddenly realizing what was happening. 

“There is no car in the garage and a trail of blood on the cement. They must have taken the other man.” A cop called out to other officers who jumped back into action.

“They took him.” Jefferson said, walking over to the group. “They took Alex.” 

John felt like his heart was being stomped on all over again. “He’s gone.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think!! Thanks for reading!!❤️


	18. Run.

Alex’s hands and feet were tied. It was dark and dry. He felt like he was moving, and there was some sort of cloth…no it was a carpet.

He was in the back of a car. The trunk to be more exact. His head was fuzzy. He remembered being locked up with Thomas and John. God, he hoped they were safe. That’s all he wanted. As long as they were safe, he could die happy.

Because he was going to die. He knew that. If it wasn’t his captors that killed him, then it would be the rib he felt poking into his lung. It would puncture it soon and then he wouldn’t be able to breathe. He would die.

Alex let his mind wonder. He though back to the first time he had met John. They had both been so young. Alex had been severely underweight and was being beaten every day. John had quite literally saved his life, time and time again. Every time Alex had been going through shit, John had saved him. Even when they had broken up, he was there for him. During finals Alex had been extremely stressed and an anonymous package arrived at his dorm containing his favorite sweatshirt that he had stolen from John. He had made sure to take care of Alex even from hundreds of miles away.

Sure, they weren’t the prefect couple. Typically, in a model relationship your boyfriend’s parents don’t try to kill you. But their love was strong.

Alex didn’t know if days or hours had passed but it felt like years. Eventually, the car rolled to a stop. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t fight or flight from his given position. He needed to think, needed to use that big brain he had been told he had. What could he do?

Nothing. He was going to die. Wait! He could die!

“What do we do now? The cops took the house, and we didn’t bring the fake passports to get into Canada!” Came the angry voice of James. Alex heard the car doors open and close and then footsteps get closer.

“Let me think! Let me think!” It was Henry that spoke next. They were getting closer. “We need to get rid of the kid. They we can meet with my guy in Salem. He’ll get us what we need.”

“Okay. Good plane.”

Alex heard the click of the trunk unlock and that was when he began holding his breath. He had read a study on the heart and knew he could temporarily weaken and slow his heartbeat. And that was what he did.

His eyes were closed by he could sense the sunlight through his eyelids.

“Get up!” he felt the blow to his back but didn’t move.

“I said get up!” James repeated, grabbing Alex by his shirt and shaking him a bit. The movement caused his broken ribs to move even more. If they punctured his lung deeply, he actually would die.

“He’s not breathing.” It was Henry that spoke. Alex felt cold hands drag him out of the truck and onto the ground. He was still holding his breath.

“Is he dead?”

Alex felt the same hands some to his neck and check, feeling for breath and pulse.

“I think he’s dead Henry.”

“You sure he’s not faking?”

“Only one way to find out.”

The next couple seconds were the most painful of his life, and that was saying a lot. He swallowed the screams of pain as he was kicked over and over again by the full-grown men.

“I guess he really is dead.” James said. Alex could hear the smile in his voice.

“Go dump him in the woods and let’s get out of here.” Henry said, making his way back to the car.

“My pleasure.” James chuckled darkly. Alex felt himself being picked up and tossed over the man’s shoulder. His ribs were now splintering but there was nothing he could do. He tried to keep track of where he was being taken to, but everything was so fuzzy, he didn’t know.

He was eventually tossed unceremoniously onto the ground. “I’ve been waiting the last seven years for this.” James said. Alex could barely hear it by he managed to pick up the sound of a button clicking and the swooshing of metal. A switchblade.

“Goodbye Alexander.”

Alex opened his eyes at the last second to see the knife coming directly at his heart. He quickly rolled to his side, causing the knife to go into the dirt.

“You’re alive?!” Was the only thing James managed to say before Alex grabbed the blade from the ground and drove it as deeply as he could into the man’s leg.

He didn’t wait to see the damage. He didn’t care. He wished he had stabbed him in the chest. But as it was, he didn’t have much time. Alex summoned the last amount of strength that he had within him and got to his feet before sprinting as hast as he could into the woods. He head shouting, he heard running, but he didn’t care. His only thought was to get out of there was quickly as possible. He needed to get away from James. He needed to get away from Henry. He needed to get to John.

John.

He needed John.

That was his last thought before he lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a couple chapters left in this series!! LMK what you think!!


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